My project was a continued exploration of girlhood from my dissertation focusing on a quote that I came across:
'By presenting a world with no need for social change,
this use of the Girl Power discourse fails to provide girls with tools to understand
and challenge situations where they experience sexism and other forms of oppression.
Thus, girls are discouraged from seeing inequality and from engaging
in challenges to such inequalities.'
Taft, J. (2004) 'Girl Power Politics: Pop-Culture Barriers and Organisational Resistance
After my dissertation and constant conversations with others about girlhood, I really feel like this is an issue that gets overlooked and in my opinion, ultimately is making the feminist discussion even more difficult. By believing girls aren't 'ready' for feminism, or mature enough to start to understand what women are trying to do, it creates a binary that doesn't differ much from the inequalities of men and women. In this way, girlhood is treated as the constant ambition to be 'older', 'wiser', 'sexier' and a poisonous atmosphere is often created through these ambitions. How are women expected to have a critical and genuine discussion when girls are encouraged by media, stereotypes and ultimately women and adults to do the complete opposite? There is a need to become everything as a girl... and for so long I thought it was just something I had felt growing up. But the more I read and talked to people, the more I realised that this is something that is so engrained in so many people.
Strangely, what I have found in this experience is that it seems to be a mostly generational thing. During interviews with other girls, my age and also younger, all of us were really emotional. Thinking of ourselves and also our peers, past and current, it's a feeling and emotion that we barely even let ourselves think about. Many of my tutors, both male and female, have struggled to understand what I'm trying to say and why I've made the decisions I've made. Much of what I was concerned about was being dictating with my work, and I absolutely could not and would not use my drawings to represent the emotions of so many people. I wanted to create something that was interactive and enables users to create something completely on their own, otherwise it would be totally against the point. The point was to create a space where girls and women could create something together, but in a genuine way, in an attempt to subvert beauty myths and social media pressures into something empowering. I wanted to lose control. My tutors wanted me to take control but for me, it was without reason other than to make something aesthetically 'pleasing'.
Initially I was going to build a mock 'toilet cubicle' where girls and women could go in a record their voices expressing thoughts, passions, angers or criticisms, which would then be 'roboticised' and played outside of the cubicle. This apparently wasn't visual enough which...I got. I understood. Then, I wanted it to be graffiti-ed by the public...but that was not me 'in control'. So then going back to my original proposal, I decided to make objects. Surely then it's visual enough...
I was slightly less enchanted at this point, but I put my all into making 'brushes' out of various objects, mixing DIY objects and beauty parts to make 'tools' for girls to use inside the cubicle. In the end I really liked what it was like visually, and I decided to make a film to demonstrate the objects in their working order. I was advised to 'fake' the marks they made, but I disagreed; these brushes are making marks that represent girls, and girls should not be treated as though they are specifically 'precious'. So I didn't. You can see my film here.
I'm really happy with this outcome, and in hindsight, it absolutely fulfils my brief in a way that is sensitive and yet also isn't patronising. The criticism I got was as expected... my tutors didn't like that the marks were made randomly in that they didn't make an 'image', and hated the voice which I believed made it less saccharine. They also still thought I should have faked the marks. I bit my tongue in response; after all, nothing I say would have changed their mind about it. I can only describe my feeling about it, after feeling like I've had to fight to do the project as I wanted, is complete frustration. It's perpetual, because I feel absolutely ignored by people who are supposed to be my support during this project, the same way that many adults ignore girls as humans who will make a difference in this world if they, WE, are not faced with ideas that we're not enough. I was absolutely encouraged to do this project in the first place, but I feel like the whole time I hadn't been listened to, nor have they ever asked me questions or attempted to debate with me. Even when I had shown them a film from interviewing other girls, it didn't seem to get through that this isn't just me with a chip on my shoulder. And yet, I still feel like I'm having to explain myself constantly and prove myself as a designer.
I feel like I have to write all of this because this is a place where I can be genuine with you, and honest with myself. From the endless readings on platforms like ROOKIE (spesh this article by Kingston alumni Hattie Stewart), talking to girls who are living through school now, watching TED talks by Eve Ensler and other women, I know this is a world issue that so many of us try to ignore because everyone tells us it makes stronger. We're told that bitching and putting other girls down makes it easier for us to be better. I know it will be fine for me eventually, and I'm looking forward to spending time with more people who are capable of listening to each other. But I am just glad that this project, at least where it is judged by a number, is over. As much as I knew that it was going to happen, I did not expect the project to face this kind of criticism. One that is absolutely superficial, when the whole point is that it is wrong for this. I even made something that looks beautiful! And still it is met with criticism that I feel is unrelated to me or my project.
However, the best thing that could have happened is that I found out today that I made it onto the MA History of Design. I'm so ecstatic not only because it's an awesome course, but also that I can move on from practical design, and I know that leaving it behind will help me reconcile with it. I know I'm good, I know my strengths and I absolutely always have. To be made to doubt and challenge myself is good, but not for the sake of my self worth. Not in the way that I have been 'challenged'. That is not the point of university at all. Thankfully I have the support of my friends and peers, who are ultimately the future of the industry. They will be my colleagues, my support, and they are the biggest positive that could ever come out of university. As much as my tutors are just the people I want to share this issue with, it won't get me anywhere to fight with them. I just still have to do me.
If you're reading this and got accepted into Kingston, please don't see this and then go and cancel your place because it is an amazing course and it does have so much to offer. I have a lot of respect for my tutors and they are obviously experts in their fields and are under a lot of pressure, I know. They are not bad teachers. But what I am trying to say is that you are your best and most important critic. I disagree with what they have said about me and my project. Wherever you are, don't let others stop you from reaching your goals and pushing forward. I challenge you to challenge the tutors, they are absolutely not always right, YOU ARE. Don't ever let them bring you down. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
(Sorry for the long, long, long post, but I couldn't get this out of my head... Thanks for listening xo)
