REFLECTION TIME! So December was full of stuff going on, and we're still continuing work on some projects now that began back then. Hannah and I are working on an RSA competition brief together, and we also had a project creating films and animations for the Royal Opera House where eight have been selected, so we're all pushing those as well (us 2 Park Road gals in the house, bringing home the bacon!). As well as that we're handing in our dissertations on Wednesday so that has been occupying most of my Christmas as of late, I'm sure those of you who I've seen/seen my Instagram will know how hectic the holiday has been. It might not have been the most restful that I would have liked, but nevertheless the end is nigh, and it ACTUALLY is nigh now in that my final major project ends in March!
My dissertation as some of you may know is about Sailor Moon, so that has been a fun and extremely interesting topic to look into, especially as I am now questioning and establishing my own feminist ideals. My title is 'Soldier of Love and Justice: How the Japanese anime Sailor Moon represents Girlhood and subverts the position of the 'Girl''. It's been interesting to question my own growing up and asking how much of it I had authority over; I perhaps in reflection felt more 'free' than some to choose what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be and what I care about. I've loved writing this dissertation, and I do feel like I want to write for a little longer... A masters in History of Art/Design is looking like a positive for the future so that's exciting. My final major project is going to be around the topic of girlhood as well, so we shall see where all of this goes!
Despite all of this, I do feel strangely skittish, and constantly in and out of anxiety about work and the working world. Leaving university is very exciting though, and I do feel like it's going to be really liberating to not feel judged so much. There is this phase of belonging that I drop in and out of... and I'm very tired of whipping myself for not being like this, or not being good at this. I feel like the working world will suit me in that I can pursue what I really really love, whatever that may be at the time. The world is our oyster after all! But I do think I have reached an unhealthy point of criticising myself. However, I really don't want to become an 'other'; I am after all, just the same as anybody else and I hope my friends and future colleagues can see me as an equal, in an environment where we all learn, we all share knowledge, we're all (at least mostly) passionate about what we're doing, through ups and downs. As idealistic as that sounds, I do think that I need to carry on thinking that way about my life right now, and that at the end of the day this degree and this life is just for me. It's difficult to not listen to others, at least for me, because I believe that I want to be the best that I can be. There is always room to improve, and I've always believed in an element of challenge and risk. So I hope, as this university experience draws to a close, that I can make a difference in this world, where I can encourage somebody out there to take their own risk and fulfil their own challenges.
Sailor Moon, as my childhood hero and idol, was more relevant to me and my growth than I ever knew. I hope she, and I, can always encourage our peers and ourselves to take on all the challenges that we are all inevitably going to face in our lives, and come out stronger than we ever were before.
